Almost 86 years lived this time, and not one word will last forever. so why? Because I’m the only one who can speak the words these years have brought to me, and maybe, before forever, someone can use one, them, some?

"When you dedicate your entire being, your body, speech and mind, to fulfilling the single goal of being of benefit to others, you can say that true happiness has begun and you have entered the path to full enlightenment.
You will also appreciate the sentiments expressed by Atisha Dipamkara, when he said that you should not become discouraged even if you spend eons pursuing the practice of the two bodhicittas—the conventional bodhicitta of the altruistic intention and the ultimate bodhicitta of the realization of emptiness.
His point was that no matter how long it takes you to develop bodhicitta, once you have single-pointedly dedicated yourself to this goal, you will never harbor the thought that you are wasting your time in any part of your mind.
Bodhicitta is the sole pursuit in which you should engage. As Atisha said, “What else can you do in your quest for enlightenment other than practice bodhicitta?”
Therefore, regardless of how long it takes, any time spent trying to develop bodhicitta is time spent in the most meaningful way.
When you are happy and things are going well, you should practice bodhicitta, because it will protect you from becoming inflated with ego and from disparaging or insulting others. When you are suffering and facing adversity or misfortune, you should also practice bodhicitta, because it will protect you from losing hope and feeling depressed.
As long as you are alive, you should practice bodhicitta, because it will make your existence meaningful and full of purpose.
Even when you are dying, you should still practice bodhicitta, because it is the one thing that will never deceive you or let you down.
~HH Dalai Lama

my wife. my dear wife.
was it for this I lost you?
my? my? my? my? my?

Re-enter Heaven now...
Take time to listen to what is said without words,
to obey the law too subtle to be written,
to worship the unnameable and to embrace the
unformed.
Love your life.
Trust the Tao.
Make love with the invisible subtle origin
of the universe, and you will give yourself
everything you need.
You won't have to hide away forever in
spiritual retreats.
You can be a gentle, contemplative hermit right
here in the middle of everything, utterly unaffected,
thoroughly sustained and rewarded by your integral
practices.
Encouraging others, giving freely to all, awakening
and purifying the world with each movement and
action, you'll ascend to the divine realm in broad
daylight.
The breath of the Tao speaks,
and those who are in
harmony with it hear quite clearly.
-Lao Tzu

now I’ll be a nunk
gender indifferent nun-monk
chaste, poor, and what else?

5
“E’en down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when grey hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.”